Parenting Henri

this is about henri, and the parenting thereof

even my ethical dilemmas have changed/are changing 2009/10/04

this past friday, the guest speaker in my ethics seminar asked the students to write down 3 ethical dilemmas in modern medicine and/or science that they might want to research.  to keep myself awake (hey–being a student is {still} boring!), i decided to write down a few of my own.  you never know: i might research something one day.

the important thing to know is that (according to the speaker) an ethical dilemma is one in which there are at least two sides to the issue, if not more.

of course, the first to come to mind was circumcision of newborn boys.  when living through this dilemma, i felt that the decision *not* to circumcise was almost a cop-out–a non-decision, if you will.  however, after thinking for just a few minutes about it in the fabulousness of ethics, i realized that i faced an ethical dilemma and made a decision, based on my ethical values.  maybe that seems like a no-brainer to you.  but it made me proud!  who know i even had values?

the second thing i thought of, which i truly would like to research, or at least would like for someone else to research because i think it’s absolutely needs to be addressed by A) the medical community and B) the world at large, was the question of a drug-free childbirth.  the question being, is it even possible in this day and age?  i know it isn’t in massachusetts, at least not for women who go over 2 weeks from their “estimated” due date.  and i certainly know it wasn’t a choice for me.  at the time, it didn’t seem like so much of a dilemma as a “give me drugs or give me death” sort of moment.  and i’m still very upset at all of the factors that went into that non-decision: including my own weakness, even if it was just a lack of preparation for what might’ve been coming.  in order to actually research this dilemma, we would first have to acknowledge it as such.  so, yeah, that could be a problem.

lastly, the 3rd dilemma i thought of is the one that every biological mother who chooses to raise her own child faces, whether she realizes it or not: to breastfeed or not to breastfeed?  even those of us for whom it really wasn’t much of a dilemma–let’s face it, there was never even a miniscule moment in time when i might’ve considered letting a tiny alien suckle at my bosom–had to not only make a choice, but defend it, lest our ethics be looked down upon.

so there you have it: i’m not just a mom.  i’m a freaking mom who can’t stop being a mom, even when considering {hypothetical} ethical dilemmas with potential in an academic mom-free environment.  *sigh* it seems the kid has finally infiltrated what was left of my mind…but hey, there’s something to be said for “going all in.”  right?


unexpected benefit 2007/10/01

Filed under: pregnancy myths — lee lee @ 8:47 pm

i’m sure there are a lot of bad things about not having a “partner” while being preggers (not that i can think of any…) but one thing that i think is actually good is that there’s no one around to complain to all the time.  i read in my pregnancy magazine about how you shouldn’t hint around that your feet hurt and you need a massage…you should tell it like it is: “yo, partner/future babydaddy.  not only are my dogs barking, they’re calling your name.  get over here, pronto.  and don’t forget the lotion.”  (or something like that…)

honestly, my feet don’t hurt.  but even if they did, i think i would probably just let it drop because bentley isn’t that great at massaging feet.  (though, he does a pretty good job of kneading my big dough-like belly every now and then.)  but really…i’m beginning to wonder if pregnancy complaints are 100% true, or if it’s just that mindset that this is the time in your life to have others do for you.

someone once told me i’m not good at asking for help when i need it.  so, maybe this is just me being stubborn.  i’m probably ignoring all my aches and pains because i don’t want to ask my imaginary best friend for a foot massage.  :-/


as you know: the breast is best!!! 2007/08/25

Filed under: nothing to report,pregnancy myths — lee lee @ 12:05 pm

let me see if i can sum this up… i’m not a scientist [obviously] but i am a HUMAN BEING. and i’m a woman. and i’m a daughter. and i’m an aunt. and i’m a friend of people with children. in my opinion, all of these things give me sufficient information to decide whether or not breastfeeding is the choice for me. (YES– I DID SAY CHOICE.) also, i’m not like ignorant, or anything like that. i mean, i have 2 college degrees and know the difference between words like laconic and lethargic…so, i’m definitely not stupid.

here’s my argument about parenting/things that affect a woman’s body: MY BODY; MY CHOICE. okay, so that’s not my argument, so to speak. but it is more concise (not to mention catchy) than any other argument i could come up with. if i choose to get pregnant, than i choose how i’m going to handle the pregnancy (as long as we’re within safe medical guidelines, of course…). if i choose to become a mom, than i choose how i’m going to raise my child (as long as we’re within safe medical guidelines). so, if i don’t want to breastfeed my child, but i do because i’m forced to (or even expected to), then i’ve already negated one of the biggest “benefits” to breastfeeding…the mother/child bond. yes, i AM the type to resent my own child for years of breast-suckling-in-public humiliation…

but, what if the breast really is best? you ask… it’s not. and any woman that truly looks into her own soul and assesses whether or not she’s breastfeeding for scientific reasons or for personal satisfaction will agree with me. this isn’t about science. it’s about individuals. there are two choices when it comes to feeding your newborn, and both are completely, medically safe.

the medical community, especially women practitioners, are doing the world a disservice by continuing to perpetuate the myth that breastfeeding is best. because they don’t mean it’s best. they mean it’s “only, thereby best.” i haven’t yet figured out a benefit they get from perpetuating the myth, so my only guess is that they’re being lazy. or maybe it’s pride: re-doing the statistics to include women who bottle-feed because they want to would mean admitting women bottle-feed because they want to. ooooh…scary. one day, women will also begin having children outside of wedlock and, even, (gasp!), terminating viable pregnancies. Lord Have Mercy On Us All.

well, that’s my soapbox. even if it’s not a very good one… i don’t need statistics to tell me that my bottle-fed niece is one of the prettiest, healthiest, smartest and friendliest little girls in the world. or that my bottle-fed sister is all that and a piece of homemade chocolate cake w/homemade chocolate icing on top. or that my bottle-fed self is not the “bestest” in any realm, but–hey, she an A-okay gal.

guess what else?  we ALL have great relationships with our mother. though, there was that 3-5 year period when i really hated P.K. if only she’d breastfed me!!!! i never would’ve gone through puberty!!!