this year, i don’t have the energy to write up a big long hooplah-ish post (and by “a” post, i mean 4 or 5 posts) about why mother’s day is so important; but, while looking over the photos from the day, i couldn’t help but wonder: who am i hiding from (other than the sun)??? i mean, i AM a good mom, after all.
the last of it 2008/05/12
well, i survived/enjoyed my first mom’s day weekend. though, i now would like to move this holiday to a monday and make it a 3-day weekend. i really did not want to get out of bed this morning.
saturday began with a lovely breakfast made by mark but thought of by me: crescent rolls toasted with brie inside. yum, yum! even P.K. liked it. next, we made a list and sent mark to the grocery store to buy everything needed (and a lot of extra stuff, apparently) for the indoor picnic at his mom’s house. we were a little late in leaving because the new landlord dropped by unexpectedly. and, also, me & henri fell asleep when we were supposed to be getting prettied up. but, we finally made it and k-frayz and her mom were already there getting to know bob & sally. we had a lovely lunch (i’m not exaggerating: when you look up lovely, you should see a video clip of this meal…) full of everything i like to eat and some things i’ve never had but tried and liked. henri was well-behaved throughout and even graced us with his charming smile a time or two.
after lunch came entertainment. henri played us some things on the piano with sally’s help, i read a poem and an old essay about my mom and i’s differences, and we even got mark to play a little bit of a song. we then decided to caravan to walden pond and take a walk since it was SUCH a nice day (stupid weather men!!). even though P.K. stayed in the car and henri despised his new backpack walking thing sally found, we still had a relaxing walk. and, i think katie is ready for her hike, as she was walking 50 times our snail-like speed…
finally, we found the site of thoreau’s old home and also visited the replica of his home that is much closer and doesn’t require a walk at all but we found it too late for me to know that! henri was introduced to henry and that was that. i knew no one would believe that i took a walk outside that wasn’t toward food of some sort, so i did take some pictures. there’s proof:: i walked!!!!!
sunday morning, me and h-man lounged around waiting and waiting for mark to wake up. when he finally did, we walked (don’t get excited…this was towards food) to a local diner and had a sausage-less meal, even though what i really wanted for mother’s day was a sausage omelet!
oh, i forgot. i also got a present and 2 cards at saturday’s lunch. nice!
anyway. after making a mess on the floor of the diner i probably won’t go back to, we stopped for some ice cream (don’t get me started on the many ingredients baskin robbins “did not have”) and then hiked uphill to a park mark passes on his way to work. turns out, they had baby swings; so, we tried henri out in one and he LOVED it. we also tried a couple different slides (riding on mommy’s lap, of course) but he didn’t like them nearly as much. this boy is a swingin’ boy.
after all that excitement, we had to go home and take a nap. i think henri took two naps.
around 5 PM, which is the witching hour for mothers wanting dinner, we went to Not Your Average Joe’s and shared mother’s day dinner with all the other parents-with-children living in watertown. but, it was fun. i liked that henri was content sitting in his seat, and even fell asleep yet again (!) without fussing too much. the weekend’s theme of restaurants disappointing me continued when they told me they didn’t carry cabo wabo and they were out of pomegranate, but i survived by drinking a plain old margarita and then having some harpoon IPA.
to end out the evening, i fell asleep watching the baseball game. i take back wanting to go to the baseball game because A) we lost and B) i had the most fabulous weekend ever. thanks to everybody, especially Mark.
The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh
Because I’m not the type to “get into” holidays that are [mostly] made-up for commercialism’s sake, or at least–as is the case with Mother’s Day–they have come to be about supporting all things commercial like pedicures and singing greeting cards, I’m struggling with the overwhelming magnitude of my first Mother’s Day. It’s as if the words were literally written in the sky and have been following me around this entire week: your first Mother’s Day is almost here. I’m guessing I first have to admit that this is really important for me in order to understand or even think about figuring out why.
So, I admit it: this Mother’s Day is very important to me.
Whew, that’s done.
It’s important enough to me that I wrote this blog entry in a separate Word document a few days earlier and edited it throughout the week to what is now its near-perfect state. Okay, that was an unnecessary confession! But lee lee can never resist the opportunity to be narcissistic!! Plus, when it rains emotion it pours emotion (with me).
You see, I am not looking at Mother’s Day as a time to “celebrate myself and my brilliant mothering” and go get a pedicure or manicure or spa bath or anything else that Henri can’t participate in right now. Though–you knew I was going to say this, didn’t you?–I reserve the right to do one of the above things together with Henri on a future Mother’s Day. Rather, I’m looking at this Mother’s Day as a huge milestone in the journey of my life. Within it is contained all of the feelings I had before being a mother: desperately wanting a child; desperately not wanting a child; desperately wanting to be able to afford to have a child; desperately wanting a partner to have a child with; deliberately choosing not to have a child out of desperation; choosing to have a child at an imperfect time because i have wanted one for so long; and (finally) choosing to keep my baby when i [shocked the world by] becoming “with child.” Also contained within the day are all of the feelings I have had since becoming a mother–for those, you can read all past entries of this blog–but, in a nutshell: Life, it seems, is better when I am a mother.
I would like to use Mother’s Day as a day to respect that conundrum which is being a woman and not always wanting to be a mother. I would like to use Mother’s Day as a time to join together with other mothers, an elite group I am now a part of, in order to honor the communal aspect of motherhood (also known as “I need some advice, and I need it right now!”). I would even like to use Mother’s Day as yet another day to figure out how in the world we can get back some Peace in these dire times and before our children have to grow up and long for peace the way we do (coincidentally, I was recently told by McKnight’s mother that Mother’s Day is an historic day to celebrate and commit to peace). I would’ve liked to spend the day with the mothers within my family, who, circumstantially, managed to make other plans.
Quite literally, my perfect Mother’s Day would be that of freedom*–being outdoors, somewhere sunny and flowery but not full of bees or bugs or anything; having Henri looking dapper in his brand new Mother’s Day outfit (see–commercialism! of which I am [gladly] a part!!) and no new teeth in sight; being with McKnight without being exhausted or flippant or way-too-emotional…maybe that’s asking too much–I will settle for all of us being together, with outfits that are picture-worthy but not overly frumpy, and without external demands. And if that’s too difficult, I’ll take a pair of tickets to the Red Sox Mother’s Day game.
Enough sentimentality. The real reason I’m writing this post is not because I want perfection. Right now, I just want Mother’s Day to be one of those holidays where everyone is forced to put aside their differences (and other obligations) and do what’s best “for the kids”–be together and be happy, Goddamn it! And, yes, food and presents are mandatory, bitches!!
I suspect, like most other holidays–except those that are solely about how much you can drink before driving home–I will soon forget how important this day once was to me while simultaneously coming to loathe it, much like this poor woman. Let this serve as a record, then. There was a day, if only one, where lee lee thompson was emotional, sentimental, bordering on weepy. All because she is a MOM. (Also, I was pms-ing when I wrote this. Can you tell???)
anxiety? what anxiety??? 2008/05/09
no lie. this was my dream this morning:
after going out to a club with mvp and PK, i somehow got separated from them and started walking. i walked and walked and walked forever and ever, stopping to ask people where the T was and turning around, backtracking, etc. a horrendously long walk… eventually, i’m walking down a pier. i get to the end and all i see is water everywhere around me. endless miles of water. i’m so depressed. i can’t believe i walked all that way and now i have to turn around and walk back! then, all of the sudden, i’m in the water…i think someone floated by and gave me a raft, because i wasn’t sinking and i wasn’t swimming/drowning. i was sitting in the water, this bright blue water with the sun shining down on me. i looked up at the immense landscape of water all around me and said to myself, “i’m going to miss mother’s day.”
seriously! that was my dream!
i don’t know…do you think i’m making too much of this, my first mother’s day???
mother’s day post #2. 2008/05/08
i officially declare that you can’t have too many mother’s day posts. it happens to be the 3rd most important day of the year, just after henri’s birthday and my birthday (not necessarily in that order).
our plans are finalized. mark sent out a lovely email inviting the mothers we know & love to join us at walden pond on saturday. anyone reading this that we missed: you are welcome, too! HOW EXCITED AM I TO BE GOING TO WALDEN POND? well, it was my idea, so i’m actually very excited. oops, i don’t think i was supposed to say that.
i don’t really like thoreau, except that i include his memoir on my list of literary self-portraits, but i think it’ll be cool to introduce henri to all of these places in and around boston that are literary that i never really went to before.
imagine being thoreau’s mom (if she was still alive). if he truly moved away and didn’t speak to anyone, she must’ve been dying. i’m already freaking out about how i’ll deal with the first day of kindergarten, let alone henri going to college in another state, getting married, or *gasp* taking a vacation without me. all of those things will make me soooooo sad. but, at least (i hope), we’ll still be TALKING to each other… did thoreau write letters though? maybe they stayed in touch that way? remember letters? ah, the good old days! thoreau could probaby pop off a quick letter to the moms, put it in the post, and then sit back for a good 7 – 14 days and think about nature and his penis and whatever else he thought about out there all he wanted. in today’s society of instant technology, even thoreau would probably be on g-mail chat. he’d set his profile to “busy” and put something witty like “How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live*” but then his mom would sign on and see that he was actually red not orange and all the sudden “Bing!,” HDT is out of hiding.
thoreau’s mom: hey! you’re online!
thoreau: not really. i’m set to busy.
t’s mom: oh…well…i just wanted to say hi. i miss you sooooooooooooooo much.
t: yeah. i miss you, too. now, i have to go write–i mean, LIVE.
t’s mom: okay. BBFN!
*15 minutes passes*
t’s mom: hey! i know your status says “busy” but you’re red, not orange, so you must be doing SOMETHING online, right??? are you writing me an email??? i’m going to write you one right now and we can send them to each other at the same time.
*gets message back: HDT is currently offline. Any messages you sent will be delivered when he comes back online.
t’s mom: you sorry ungrateful selfish bastard! enjoy your GD living that i happen to be paying for!!!
t: sorry, mom. i got kicked off. connection is bad here in the woods.
t’s mom: oh, ok. well, i love you!
*yes, this is actually a Thoreau quote.
…you’ll have to settle for a list. besides, this is useful to record.
Ten Things I Like about Being MomOfHenri:
- Snuggling in bed and he reaches over and grabs my face like he’s “blind” henri and then smiles so big I can smell his formula breath.
- That he’s content shrieking like a dolphin or whopping me on the head with his plastic keys while I sleep a few more minutes.
- His first temper tantrum yesterday, in which I learned my son is EXACTLY like me (in case there was any doubt) in his undying resolve to be heard and picked up and held and coddled all the time and why would you even thinking of doing something else that doesn’t involve me??? for christ’s sake.
- That anything you put anywhere near his mouth like you’re going to feed him excites him to no end. These currently include Orajel and his electric toothbrush. He actually cried when I stopped brushing his teeth today! OMG–HCIT??? (HCIT=How Cute Is That. duh.)
- His hair is A) not falling out and B) staying red. Yesssss!!!
- When Mark walks in the room, Henri’s eyes light up.
- Watching him focus on the tiniest thing for the longest time (like a dog stitched onto his blanket or my over-sized flower ring).
- My son looks good in Pink. And he is so in touch with his feminine side.
- speaking of: Little boys clothes…so adorable. Hold me back, please. Or I will buy much, much more.
- Every time we take him into another room, he wants to look at every single thing in there like he hasn’t ever been there before (Yes, I know this is because he has baby-term memory, but I also want to remember it because it won’t always be that way…)
- Reading other mom’s blogs and articles, moms who are apparently very tired and extremely disorganized and generally disgruntled, and thinking “huh, I don’t feel like that” and knowing that I —really, I do— have the *best* life.
Okay, so that bordered on sentimental. But you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.