the thing about co-parenting is that you’re never really equals. in fact, i don’t think there is such a thing as being equal. i mean, mark cares way more about buying fresh food and cooking great meals than i ever will, or even have the ability to, and that’s because it’s ingrained in him, much the same way sustaining motherhood is for me. women’s bodies are made to bear children; therefore, we also carry the strength to keep going, whether we are in our 48th hour of labor, our 3rd hour of rocking a teething child, or our 28th year of making sure our children are safe and sound. it’s not that the non-child-bearing partner doesn’t want to be an equal part; they can’t be. they aren’t made for it. maybe they’re made to support us as best they can. or maybe they’re made to annoy the hell out of us by always providing that “other” viewpoint. or maybe they’re just made to hold the crying baby when we have to pee like hell. regardless, they are not us.

i’m trying hard not to see this as a male vs. female thing, even though that’s the situation i’m in. just as i don’t think it has to do with the child’s biological history. i’m just saying that there are 2 people in each relationship, and one always has more “power.” what i’m figuring out is that co-parenting is less about finding equality than it is about forgiving inequality.

how’s that for a non-feminist point of view?

I just received this email:

Dear MomofHenri,

Thanks again for shopping at Toys”R”Us & Babies”R”Us. We’re pleased to tell you that your item(s) has been shipped!

If there are remaining items in your order that were not shipped at this time, you will receive a similar email notification when they ship. You can click on the link below to review the status of your entire order, including any items that may have been shipped separately.

Item: 4484966
Description: Simplicity Kingston 4-in-1 Crib - Chocolate/White
Quantity: 1
Status: Shipped via: FedEx Ground

YOU MEAN HENRI IS ACTUALLY GOING TO HAVE HIS OWN BED?????? I thought this dream would never come true!

henri gets home tonight!!

thanks to the lovely, i mean lazy, people at fawn and forest, henri is now sleeping on the floor (well, on a mattress on the floor).  previously, i was very excited to order the “perfect” crib (the sahara crib in walnut).  i even sent out a little email to 1,000 of our closest friends with the new that henri was a big boy and i’d found the perfect crib, etc. etc.  guess how long ago that was???  that was so long ago i can’t even remember when it was…and i don’t feel like looking it up in my gmail.  cleary, i am in a BAD MOOD.  so, what’s a slacker mom to do?  i’ve sent several emails and the guy just keeps assuring me the crib will be sent as soon as possible.  i mean, do i actually have to Pick up the Phone and Call These People?  ugh.  that entirely defeats the purpose of ordering something ONLINE.  i’m thinking: order the crib somewhere else. see which one gets here first.  return the one that gets here second. i didn’t pay for shipping the first time around (boy, did i learn THAT lesson) from fawn & forest, so i’d only have to pay shipping to return it.  this all sounds very complicated and kinda of expensive, but it means i wouldn’t have to TALK TO or THREATEN anyone.  which is good.  i’d rather talk bad about them behind their back for the rest of henri’s life!!!!!! yes, that is lazy.  but its also non-confrontational.  is this like some lesson i’m supposed to be learning and then passing along to my son? because if it is, i refuse to learn it.  so, just SEND ME THE CRIB ALREADY.

yesterday, i took a much needed day off (read: i couldn’t get out of bed and would like to blame it on the thyroid but maybe i’m just a loser?), so i got like 8 straight hours of the h-man and was totally reminded of how lucky i am to be his mom. why? because:

• my 6 month old likes to shop. i’m serious. he LOVES it. especially when you let him sit in the big-boy seat in the cart and he can see everything.
• when shopping, my 6 month old [apparently] does not need to eat or sleep. he’s kinda like me in that way…
• he’s already displaying symptoms of only-child-ism. for instance: sitting in my hour-long therapy appt. and amusing himself by trying to pull the carpet threads up.
• he sleeps best when he’s sleeping next to me (and vice versa)
• he doesn’t whine when i listen to the same radiohead song for an entire 45 minute drive home
• he always smiles at strangers, even when they’re fugly. (this he does *not* get from me)
• he doesn’t mind goin’ out in the rain (as long as he’s got his comfy clothes on)

did i love it enough to be a SAHM? probably not. but i sure did have a relaxing day. loves.

henri has started sleeping on his tummy. i have no idea if this is okay or not. i think it would be more okay if he was IN HIS CRIB. oh, CRI-IHB? Where Are You-uuuuu?

after doing some blog-surfing, i have indeed confirmed: henri is the cutest baby ever. i will spare you any links (how mean would that be?); just Trust Me on this one!

well, i survived/enjoyed my first mom’s day weekend. though, i now would like to move this holiday to a monday and make it a 3-day weekend. i really did not want to get out of bed this morning.

saturday began with a lovely breakfast made by mark but thought of by me: crescent rolls toasted with brie inside. yum, yum! even P.K. liked it. next, we made a list and sent mark to the grocery store to buy everything needed (and a lot of extra stuff, apparently) for the indoor picnic at his mom’s house. we were a little late in leaving because the new landlord dropped by unexpectedly. and, also, me & henri fell asleep when we were supposed to be getting prettied up. but, we finally made it and k-frayz and her mom were already there getting to know bob & sally. we had a lovely lunch (i’m not exaggerating: when you look up lovely, you should see a video clip of this meal…) full of everything i like to eat and some things i’ve never had but tried and liked. henri was well-behaved throughout and even graced us with his charming smile a time or two.

after lunch came entertainment. henri played us some things on the piano with sally’s help, i read a poem and an old essay about my mom and i’s differences, and we even got mark to play a little bit of a song. we then decided to caravan to walden pond and take a walk since it was SUCH a nice day (stupid weather men!!). even though P.K. stayed in the car and henri despised his new backpack walking thing sally found, we still had a relaxing walk. and, i think katie is ready for her hike, as she was walking 50 times our snail-like speed…

finally, we found the site of thoreau’s old home and also visited the replica of his home that is much closer and doesn’t require a walk at all but we found it too late for me to know that! henri was introduced to henry and that was that. i knew no one would believe that i took a walk outside that wasn’t toward food of some sort, so i did take some pictures. there’s proof:: i walked!!!!!

sunday morning, me and h-man lounged around waiting and waiting for mark to wake up. when he finally did, we walked (don’t get excited…this was towards food) to a local diner and had a sausage-less meal, even though what i really wanted for mother’s day was a sausage omelet!

oh, i forgot. i also got a present and 2 cards at saturday’s lunch. nice!

anyway. after making a mess on the floor of the diner i probably won’t go back to, we stopped for some ice cream (don’t get me started on the many ingredients baskin robbins “did not have”) and then hiked uphill to a park mark passes on his way to work. turns out, they had baby swings; so, we tried henri out in one and he LOVED it. we also tried a couple different slides (riding on mommy’s lap, of course) but he didn’t like them nearly as much. this boy is a swingin’ boy.

after all that excitement, we had to go home and take a nap. i think henri took two naps.

around 5 PM, which is the witching hour for mothers wanting dinner, we went to Not Your Average Joe’s and shared mother’s day dinner with all the other parents-with-children living in watertown. but, it was fun. i liked that henri was content sitting in his seat, and even fell asleep yet again (!) without fussing too much. the weekend’s theme of restaurants disappointing me continued when they told me they didn’t carry cabo wabo and they were out of pomegranate, but i survived by drinking a plain old margarita and then having some harpoon IPA.

to end out the evening, i fell asleep watching the baseball game. i take back wanting to go to the baseball game because A) we lost and B) i had the most fabulous weekend ever. thanks to everybody, especially Mark.

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new.  ~Rajneesh

Because I’m not the type to “get into” holidays that are [mostly] made-up for commercialism’s sake, or at least–as is the case with Mother’s Day–they have come to be about supporting all things commercial like pedicures and singing greeting cards, I’m struggling with the overwhelming magnitude of my first Mother’s Day.  It’s as if the words were literally written in the sky and have been following me around this entire week: your first Mother’s Day is almost here.  I’m guessing I first have to admit that this is really important for me in order to understand or even think about figuring out why.

So, I admit it: this Mother’s Day is very important to me.

Whew, that’s done.

It’s important enough to me that I wrote this blog entry in a separate Word document a few days earlier and edited it throughout the week to what is now its near-perfect state.  Okay, that was an unnecessary confession!  But lee lee can never resist the opportunity to be narcissistic!!  Plus, when it rains emotion it pours emotion (with me).

Anyhoot–

You see, I am not looking at Mother’s Day as a time to “celebrate myself and my brilliant mothering” and go get a pedicure or manicure or spa bath or anything else that Henri can’t participate in right now.  Though–you knew I was going to say this, didn’t you?–I reserve the right to do one of the above things together with Henri on a future Mother’s Day.  Rather, I’m looking at this Mother’s Day as a huge milestone in the journey of my life.  Within it is contained all of the feelings I had before being a mother: desperately wanting a child; desperately not wanting a child; desperately wanting to be able to afford to have a child; desperately wanting a partner to have a child with; deliberately choosing not to have a child out of desperation; choosing to have a child at an imperfect time because i have wanted one for so long; and (finally) choosing to keep my baby when i [shocked the world by] becoming “with child.” Also contained within the day are all of the feelings I have had since becoming a mother–for those, you can read all past entries of this blog–but, in a nutshell: Life, it seems, is better when I am a mother.

I would like to use Mother’s Day as a day to respect that conundrum which is being a woman and not always wanting to be a mother.  I would like to use Mother’s Day as a time to join together with other mothers, an elite group I am now a part of, in order to honor the communal aspect of motherhood (also known as “I need some advice, and I need it right now!”).  I would even like to use Mother’s Day as yet another day to figure out how in the world we can get back some Peace in these dire times and before our children have to grow up and long for peace the way we do (coincidentally, I was recently told by McKnight’s mother that Mother’s Day is an historic day to celebrate and commit to peace).  I would’ve liked to spend the day with the mothers within my family, who, circumstantially, managed to make other plans.

Quite literally, my perfect Mother’s Day would be that of freedom*–being outdoors, somewhere sunny and flowery but not full of bees or bugs or anything; having Henri looking dapper in his brand new Mother’s Day outfit (see–commercialism! of which I am [gladly] a part!!) and no new teeth in sight; being with McKnight without being exhausted or flippant or way-too-emotional…maybe that’s asking too much–I will settle for all of us being together, with outfits that are picture-worthy but not overly frumpy, and without external demands.  And if that’s too difficult, I’ll take a pair of tickets to the Red Sox Mother’s Day game.

Enough sentimentality.  The real reason I’m writing this post is not because I want perfection.  Right now, I just want Mother’s Day to be one of those holidays where everyone is forced to put aside their differences (and other obligations) and do what’s best “for the kids”–be together and be happy, Goddamn it!  And, yes, food and presents are mandatory, bitches!!

I suspect, like most other holidays–except those that are solely about how much you can drink before driving home–I will soon forget how important this day once was to me while simultaneously coming to loathe it, much like this poor woman.  Let this serve as a record, then.  There was a day, if only one, where lee lee thompson was emotional, sentimental, bordering on weepy.  All because she is a MOM.  (Also, I was pms-ing when I wrote this. Can you tell???)