mental health/henri day June 5, 2008

yesterday, i took a much needed day off (read: i couldn’t get out of bed and would like to blame it on the thyroid but maybe i’m just a loser?), so i got like 8 straight hours of the h-man and was totally reminded of how lucky i am to be his mom. why? because:

• my 6 month old likes to shop. i’m serious. he LOVES it. especially when you let him sit in the big-boy seat in the cart and he can see everything.
• when shopping, my 6 month old [apparently] does not need to eat or sleep. he’s kinda like me in that way…
• he’s already displaying symptoms of only-child-ism. for instance: sitting in my hour-long therapy appt. and amusing himself by trying to pull the carpet threads up.
• he sleeps best when he’s sleeping next to me (and vice versa)
• he doesn’t whine when i listen to the same radiohead song for an entire 45 minute drive home
• he always smiles at strangers, even when they’re fugly. (this he does *not* get from me)
• he doesn’t mind goin’ out in the rain (as long as he’s got his comfy clothes on)

did i love it enough to be a SAHM? probably not. but i sure did have a relaxing day. loves.

jealous, but just for a moment April 23, 2008

sometimes i get jealous when i see parents playing with their kiddos at a park at 3 o’clock in the afternoon…but, then i realize i’m way too lazy to take my kid out to the park every day.  i’d rather watch HGTV in a nice climate-controlled atmosphere where there’s only one kid and not 1000.

then, i realize if i wasn’t working, i’d have to be the kind of parent who takes their kid to the park every day b/c i wouldn’t be able to afford HGTV or climate controls.

then, i get jealous of those oh-so-en-vogue working moms, who can play with their kids at night and on the weekends wherever they want (indoors, outdoors…doesn’t matter! we can afford either one!) because they are Working Their Butts Off to be able to do so.

then, i remember that i am one of those moms and i’m very, very glad that i’m not across the street playing with my kid right now.

no one told me babies were this much work!!! February 21, 2008

ha ha…

now that i have a job again, everyone has their panties in a wad about getting to and fro’ work and how often henri has to leave the house/drive around the city. may i remind you that emma had to accompany her papi to various places to accommodate everyone’s schedule for about the first three years of her life ??? now, i know you all thought it would be different since henri is such a “special” child (and by special, i mean he CRIES WHENEVER THE CAR IS NOT MOVING AT OR ABOVE 40 MPH)…but we are all the same crazy, workaholic, not-so-special family…so, i don’t know why you got your hopes up.

actually, i think he likes leaving the house. s t r a n g e, since no one else around 43 early ave does. but–already–he is such a little individualist. a mother has to be proud of that.

and while we’re on the subject of schedules, or, rather, the lack thereof: i will say that (as with anything parent-related, i’m sure) my rigorous standards have relaxed quite a bit. i think it took a little while for me & henri to get on the same page and in the same groove…but, the more i get to know him, the more i know whether he’s crying because he’s starving to death or because he’s bored or because he’s tired or because everyone in the room doesn’t have their eyes glued to his adorable face.  in general, though, he gets hungry about every 2 hours, 15 minutes (i only know this statistic because of the WONDERFUL Itzbeen), even after we increased him to 4 oz every feeding. but it’s terribly difficult to feed him more than 4 oz, due to his “falling asleep while eating” habit. oh well; he seems [much more] content and he is pretty much a happy baby these days, so i think we’re doing a damn good job. (also, whenever i get around to/have capabilities to post some more current pics–you will see he is not just “happy,” but Fat and Happy.)

i don’t feel bad about those first few weeks of him being a tad bit hungry, though. after what he put me through in the labor room…he deserves it!!! (JUST KIDDING, HENRI)

one week to go… January 14, 2008

today begins the last week of my maternity leave. i’ll spare you the “mixed emotions” runaround. but i have been thinking about a number of ways in which my life has changed since before this little bundle of joy arrived…

• i’m back to needing much less sleep. i hope i can keep this up when i go back to work. i don’t know if my brain is actually working, but with coffee and lots of fresh air, i’m sure i can keep my eyes open for those looooooooooooooooong and frequent meetings.
• i’m much more tidy. everyone (and by “everyone” i mean my parenting magazines) talks about how there’s no time to do the laundry or wash the dishes once baby comes and that “it’s okay” if the house stays messy, prioritize, yada yada yada. but i find that there’s not really anything else to do while you’re holding, rocking, jogging, and goo-goo-ga-ga-ing a swaddled ten-pounder. in fact, i think we would both be much more bored if i wasn’t constantly walking back and forth between the living room and the kitchen throwing away miniscule lint pieces i’ve picked off of the sofa…
• i know what time the mail comes (11 AM sharp).
• i also know that the mailman has 3 daughters.
• i sway back and forth all the time; even when i’m not holding the little one; even in the shower; probably in my sleep, too.
• i heat old coffee up in the microwave and drink it. okay, i’ve done this once before in my life–when i lived with my grandma in missouri for a summer. in fact, there were many things about my life that summer that resemble my life now, except i did not sway then.
• i prefer online shopping to either pushing a stroller and carrying a grocery basket or propping the baby carrier on a grocery cart that [apparently] is made for much, much smaller baby carriers.
• i prefer online shopping to–really–anything.
• i’m a side-sleeper.
• my belly jiggles like a bowl of jello. (good times!)
• i prefer watching movies with commercials as it gives me time to run to the bathroom, grab a snack or make a bottle for the umpteenth time.
• i can eat, pee, sleep, type, work 2 remote controls, make a bottle, change a diaper and open a beer bottle with only one hand.
• i lose interest in a 30-minute TV program, forget to finish the magazine i’ve started reading and do that annoying thing where people start to say something of worth and instead say “um, i forgot what i was going to say.”
• i’m much less judgmental about parents who let their kids cry in public(because i now know they have no control over anything in their life, let alone whether or not their kid decides to start crying when they’re only on aisle 3 of a full-blown grocery shopping trip).
• i let my kid cry in public. rather, my kid cries in public. and i’m okay with that. i think.

the responsibility of it all September 16, 2007

it’s not that i’m surprised… when i made the decision to have a baby, i knew it came with responsibility.  of course, i was considering the “mom” part of it all, changing diapers constantly and 2 am feedings.  putting someone else’s primal needs before your own superficial ones.  all that good stuff.  but i think i gave myself a little too much credit when it comes to the “working mom” part of it all.  sure, i made it through the first trimester without getting fired but now i have to make it through the next 18 years?  yikes…!

also, i really despise making decisions for another person besides myself.  i can rationalize just about anything if it’s what i really want or feel that i really need.  and i can also [mostly] deal with the consequences of my actions.  but there’s so much weight on me right now, physically (!) and mentally, to “do the right thing” for henri’s sake.  it’s almost as though i deliberately created a conscience for myself, a reason to be rational, so i could stick with this whole stable, practical thing that seems to keep me sane.

of course, i still have options.  i have more options than a lot of other moms-to-be, working or non.  and i don’t mean to discount that.  i guess i just want to document this as the first time i’m taking the option that works best for both of us, instead of just doing what i want–not because i want to be a great mom or because i’m at all interested in being  the self-sacrificial type; but because i made a decision to bring somebody else into the world, which (for me) implies that the world i’m bringing him into will be as good as i can make it for as long as i have control over it.

someone take my amex away August 23, 2007

there comes a time in a [pregnant&working] woman’s life when she must go shopping. for me, it was right around 28 weeks. if only i could wear my basketball shorts to work…

some thoughts about maternity clothes:

• why does everything tie in the back? that’s so not-politically-correct for the partnerless preggers.
• where is the pregnant woman willing to spend $80 on jeans? i think i’ll wait until i can fit back into pants that actually have a waist.
• what insane bachelor/businessman thought up the “maternity thong”? gross.
• why isn’t everything in a maternity store made of jersey knit? now, that would be a honeymoon phase!

i’m one of them August 7, 2007

this is my second day sitting at diesel cafe all day (”working from home”). other than the usual lesbians, the big daytime population here appears to be parents & small children/infants, and–thus–their ginormous strollers. at first it was getting on my nerves (we’re here to work! take your banana-dropping kid to the park for christ’s sake!!); but, then i realized that’s gonna be me in about 4 months. weird.

i guess i should just be glad that i won’t be the first mom to let her kid drink coffee in public…