the myth of equality July 3, 2008

the thing about co-parenting is that you’re never really equals. in fact, i don’t think there is such a thing as being equal. i mean, mark cares way more about buying fresh food and cooking great meals than i ever will, or even have the ability to, and that’s because it’s ingrained in him, much the same way sustaining motherhood is for me. women’s bodies are made to bear children; therefore, we also carry the strength to keep going, whether we are in our 48th hour of labor, our 3rd hour of rocking a teething child, or our 28th year of making sure our children are safe and sound. it’s not that the non-child-bearing partner doesn’t want to be an equal part; they can’t be. they aren’t made for it. maybe they’re made to support us as best they can. or maybe they’re made to annoy the hell out of us by always providing that “other” viewpoint. or maybe they’re just made to hold the crying baby when we have to pee like hell. regardless, they are not us.

i’m trying hard not to see this as a male vs. female thing, even though that’s the situation i’m in. just as i don’t think it has to do with the child’s biological history. i’m just saying that there are 2 people in each relationship, and one always has more “power.” what i’m figuring out is that co-parenting is less about finding equality than it is about forgiving inequality.

how’s that for a non-feminist point of view?

oh, compromise…my evil enemy April 16, 2008

my old friend double F used to say, “discipline? is that a province in canada?” i feel the same way about compromise.  only stronger… it’s not just that i’m not familiar with compromise; i actually don’t like it!!

but…relationships are made up of blah, blah, blah.  especially when you’re in a relationship that includes parenting (as i’m finding out).  sometimes i feel like all the reasons why mark and i make a good couple are the same reasons why our life is going to be Very Difficult as parents of henri.  to be frank, we just don’t look at the world the same way.

i’ll bore you the details of each and every “compromise” we’ve made so far (though i reserve the right to blog about them when i have more time/energy) and, instead, leave with you the wisdom i’ve come to over the past few months.  there are some things that are going to be extremely important to mark that i really don’t care about (i.e. sleep), some things that are going to be extremely important to me that mark doesn’t care about (i’m still waiting on one of these to pop up, but…i must hope…) and there are going to be some things that are truly important to both of us.

IN CONCLUSION, we can save our energy and only talk about 1/3 of the decisions regarding henri’s well-being.  er, uh…wait a minute…that’s not right…