War: Declared. 2010/01/31

One thing I love about the Age of Being Two that we are now in (and by love, I obviously mean Loathe) is how whenever we want Henri to do something like eat or dispose of the detritus that was formerly a completely hygienic diaper, he’s “playing” in his room–independently, henri-like, as all good only children do for many hours of the day.  BUT, when we *want* him to play in his room, or anywhere in the house for that matter, by himself so that we can–oh, I don’t know… pee or type a hasty email or (God forbid) open a piece of mail or talk on the phone for more than 1 min. 59 sec., he instantly loses the ability to entertain himself.   It’s also at these rare, preciousest of moments that he takes on the responsibility of recording our daily activities for future generations of only children who may or may not understand these Beings who ignore them for the better part of each minute…

H: Mom-mom wanna read a book.

M: (peeing) mmm.hmmm.

H: Mom-mom wanna go POOPY in the POTTY!!!

M:  No, mom mom’s just peeing.

H: Henri wanna go poopy in the potty!

M: No, mom mom’s Peeing. Right. Now.

…roughly 15 seconds later…

H: Mom-mom wanna call someone.

M: (dialing) mmmm.hmmm.

H: Henri wanna call someone!

M: No, mom-mom’s using the phone right now. Go play with your toys.

H: (grabs phone, runs around house several times)

M: (cries)

H: (gives phone back) Hug.  (hugs mom-mom)

H: Mom-mom wanna call someone…  (proceeds to stare at mom-mom until she makes the Wise Decision *not* to call anyone right now, though maybe calling her therapist would be even wiser.)

…15 minutes later…

M: (from kitchen) Heeeen-riiiii. Come & eat luuuu-uuunch!!!

H: (from bedroom) My playing!

M: But, don’t you want to sit right in front of me and monopolize my time while I try to do things that don’t revolve around you and only you?

>Just kidding…I don’t say that.<

M: But, aren’t you hungry?

H: No.  My wanna P L A Y.  (plays.  alone.  in his room.  without anyone else around.)

Obviously, this is War.  Only time will tell the outcome.  Either that, or we’ll make it to the Age of Being Three.

the myth of equality 2008/07/03

the thing about co-parenting is that you’re never really equals. in fact, i don’t think there is such a thing as being equal. i mean, mark cares way more about buying fresh food and cooking great meals than i ever will, or even have the ability to, and that’s because it’s ingrained in him, much the same way sustaining motherhood is for me. women’s bodies are made to bear children; therefore, we also carry the strength to keep going, whether we are in our 48th hour of labor, our 3rd hour of rocking a teething child, or our 28th year of making sure our children are safe and sound. it’s not that the non-child-bearing partner doesn’t want to be an equal part; they can’t be. they aren’t made for it. maybe they’re made to support us as best they can. or maybe they’re made to annoy the hell out of us by always providing that “other” viewpoint. or maybe they’re just made to hold the crying baby when we have to pee like hell. regardless, they are not us.

i’m trying hard not to see this as a male vs. female thing, even though that’s the situation i’m in. just as i don’t think it has to do with the child’s biological history. i’m just saying that there are 2 people in each relationship, and one always has more “power.” what i’m figuring out is that co-parenting is less about finding equality than it is about forgiving inequality.

how’s that for a non-feminist point of view?

oh, compromise…my evil enemy 2008/04/16

my old friend double F used to say, “discipline? is that a province in canada?” i feel the same way about compromise.  only stronger… it’s not just that i’m not familiar with compromise; i actually don’t like it!!

but…relationships are made up of blah, blah, blah.  especially when you’re in a relationship that includes parenting (as i’m finding out).  sometimes i feel like all the reasons why mark and i make a good couple are the same reasons why our life is going to be Very Difficult as parents of henri.  to be frank, we just don’t look at the world the same way.

i’ll bore you the details of each and every “compromise” we’ve made so far (though i reserve the right to blog about them when i have more time/energy) and, instead, leave with you the wisdom i’ve come to over the past few months.  there are some things that are going to be extremely important to mark that i really don’t care about (i.e. sleep), some things that are going to be extremely important to me that mark doesn’t care about (i’m still waiting on one of these to pop up, but…i must hope…) and there are going to be some things that are truly important to both of us.

IN CONCLUSION, we can save our energy and only talk about 1/3 of the decisions regarding henri’s well-being.  er, uh…wait a minute…that’s not right…